Back to School Anxiety? A Simple Strategy For A Smooth First Day Back

Do you dread the program or school drop-off?

You are not alone.

For many, the drop-off of children can be taxing as it is filled with vocal cries, tears, clinging to legs, and spikes of childhood anxiety.

Thoughts might flow into your mind.

Am I doing the right thing?

I know this is good for my child, but they seem so upset?

One can use numerous strategies, but I wanted to bring your attention to the technique I call "Connection Rings."

Today, these connection rings came in very handy.  This morning, I was waiting patiently on the edge of the forest for the 24 children that would soon be in my care at Earth Path, where I work as an outdoor educator.  Their caregivers were slowly arriving in the parking lot,  dropping off the children.  Drop-off is always a busy time of the day as the kids tumble out of their cars, backpacks in hand ready to head into the forest for another day of adventure and exploring. 

Suddenly a loud shreik erupted,  and I turned around to see a child clinging to their caregiver's leg.  Tears streaming down their face, they were holding on for dear life and wailing "noooooo."  I could see on the caregivers face the range of emotions moving through them - heartbreak then frustration then back to sadness.  I recognized the child, t was their first time being back in the Earth Path program after the second lockdown.  The routine had been disrupted, and so drop-off had become a scary thing. The child was looking for safety and a way of moving into a place of power where they could find the courage to leave their caregiver and join the rest of the group of children.

Enter the "Connection Rings."

I grabbed 3 long vines of Virginia Creeper from my backpack.  I had been saving them for the kids to use in craft projects later in the day but this trumped any craft project.  I walked over to the child and knelt down.  I smiled.  They looked at me suspiciously from behind the leg.  I asked the child to hold 2 of the vines.  The sobs slowed to hiccups.  They hesitantly reached out and grabbed hold of the 2 vines.  Curiosity!  Thanks goodness for curiosity.  And then I began to weave the vine, twisting and curving until I was holding a beautiful, large ring.  

I held the ring out to the child, they readily took it into their hands, not noticing they had released the leg completely.  They ran their hands over the circular vine, feeling it and studying it. 

I gently asked for the other 2 vines, which they readily handed over and quickly turned the other 2 vines into rings as well.

I continued to kneel in front of the child, and held out the remaining 2 rings to the child.   I asked, "Do you know what these rings are called?" They shook their head "no."   "These are called Connection Rings", I explained gently.  "These rings are very special because they connect us with people that we love very much.  Is there anyone here that you love lots and lots?"

They pointed to the leg on their left that they had been clinging to moments before.  "Who does this leg belong to?" I asked.  "My Auntie" the child whispered.  "Great",  I continued, "Can you give one of your rings to your Auntie so you can stay connected with them all day long?"

They nodded and slowly handed over a ring to their Auntie.  "And is there someone at home that you want to feel connected with today while you are here playing with us?" 

They nodded again, little tears springing back into their eyes. "My mama," they whispered. 

'Ah yes, well of course I bet your mama wants to stay connected with you too today.  So what do you think about giving your aunt a second ring that they can bring home for your mama to hang onto today?'

They nodded vigorously, handing the second ring over to their Aunt.

"Wonderful, now you and I are going to use this last ring to connect us together as we walk into the forest.  You hold onto one part of the ring and I'll hold onto the other.  How does that sound?"

They held their ring out to me, which I took as silent agreement. 

Walking side by side, joined by a connection ring, we started to walk away from their Aunt towards the herd of kids playing on the edge of the forest.

After a few steps, they stopped.  They looked back at their Aunt who now had a big smile plastered to their face.  And with their free hand, they waved and then continued walking towards the forest with me. 

 I love how nature can be used in the simplest ways to foster connection between children and caregivers.  These simple interweaving vines represented being "held" by those that had the corresponding rings. It promoted enough safety and a sense of being close that the child could find it within their power to step forth along the path.  The child enjoyed a beautiful first day back at Earth Path.  Before long, they were laughing and seeing which tree they could wrap their arms around giggling with the size of the trees relative to their tiny arms!

Not everyone has vines readily available, so to do this, choose an item that you and your child both "imbue" with the power of connection.

• Ask your child to choose a couple of special items from nature that you will use to stay connected on the first day of school or daycare.   For example, you could choose small stones, pine cones or acorns. 

• Hold up the item to your heart and speak words of connection you both agree on.  For example, "These are our special pine cones that will keep us connected whenever we are apart.  When I touch it I will feel lots of courage"

•   Ask your child where they want to place the objects of connection.  This could be in their backpack, a pocket, a fanny pack, etc.

This simple strategy helps your child by allowing them to regain enough power for them to break free of the anxiety and move forward knowing they have your heart close by.  

By Brent Lamborn

Parent Coach, Outdoor Educator and Assistant Director at Earth Path